Why is it always the bad memories that hang around in your head?

It’s always the worst memories the stupid ones, the ones that give you such a bad feeling that you want to just carve away at yourself and the thoughts go round and round and always seem to be there when you’re laying in bed in the shower on the bus at any moment that you get quiet time it always recures and most of the time it’s the same thought again and again then when it becomes an accepted thought there is always another to take it’s place, it’s messed up why? I sit at school thinking about strange things all the time and can’t stop, then people remind me then i have more than one in my head i wish i could stop but i just think all the time i feel depressed but i don’t have clinical depression i haven’t talked to anyone and i don’t plan to because all i’ll do is deny and lie everything i’m pretty sure i’m some kind of scitzo cause i always argue with my own thoughts and i know that i’m doing it i say one thing then think another and then think again to contridict that then again and again till i have a rolling conversation in my head i’ve given up on caring about myself now i seriously am a stuck up shit that no one likes or could ever like suicide is still a recuring thought i just hate myself. Life isn’t worth living but i guess i’ll have to try so i don’t upset my family.

~Sad Love Letters From Someone~

You haven't been around much lately. So many things have been happening with me, and I've really needed to talk to you.

The other day when I saw you I so badly just wanted to run into your arms. Everything inside of me was screaming out for you, calling you, but you didn't hear or see me. You looked happy, you seem happy without me. When we do talk you always seem so far away, like you've got nothing to say to me anymore

I miss you, I really do. Everyday I wait to hear from you. Everyday I hope and pray we could talk like we used to, but everyday I'm left alone and disappointed. Its not your fault that you have a life and that your busy, I understand we cant always talk, but is half an hour out of your day too much to ask? Is an off-line message or SMS too much to ask?

You don't understand whats been happening with me, you don't know what I'm going through. To be honest I don't know whats going on with you either, and it hurts me. I'm supposed to be the most important person in your life, but at the moment I don't feel like I am. I feel like I am an after thought. Surely I mean more to you than that? I don't know what to say anymore.

Sometimes I feel like running away and trying to forget about you and everything else until I eventually just die.I know there is something very wrong with me, but do you know that? Do you know that I'm not going to be here forever?

I don't think you need me as much as you say you do anymore. Maybe there was a time when you would die without me but now, your living you life and I don't seem to be apart of it anymore. I still love you, I have and always will love you. I'm trying so hard to be with you but I feel like I'm the only one trying. I need you, I really need you to be here.